


You haven't gone but I miss you

by belmanoir



Series: Specific Desires [1]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Consensual Violence, Established Relationship, Kevin/Rami, M/M, Not Kayfabe Compliant, RPF, Rape Roleplay, in-character sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:46:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belmanoir/pseuds/belmanoir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rami and Kevin are roleplaying and some emotional stuff comes up.</p>
<p><em>“I </em>am<em> your family,” Sami shoots back fiercely. Shit, that feels good to say. Way too good. Is this still a thing? Rami thought he was over being jealous. Maybe they should talk later. Definitely later, because Kevin stomps on his head and then holds him down with one boot while he smears lube on his fingers.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	You haven't gone but I miss you

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'ed by mrs_laugh_track. Thank you! <3
> 
> I have been informed that Rami is probably married. Oops! I'd already written the fic. I will know that next time.
> 
> Title is from the Lucksmiths' "Self-Preservation," which is an EXCELLENT Kevin/Rami song.

Rami is already half-hard as he turns the shower off, knowing what’s coming. He pulls the curtain back, reaching for his towel—

Kevin grabs his wrist. “You need to leave me alone.” He looks like he hasn’t slept.

“What the hell, Kev?” Sami is mostly just annoyed. Was Kevin seriously lurking outside while he was showering waiting to yell at him? He yanks away and wraps his towel around his waist.

Kevin puts his shoulders up, his fists clenching and unclenching. Sami takes a step back and hits the lip of the shower, losing his footing on the wet tile. It’s tile and not cement because they’re actually at Rami’s apartment pretending it’s the locker room. Kevin catches him before he falls, then transforms his grip on Sami’s arms into a threat, crowding him. “This has to stop. It has to. We ignore each other from now on. You ignore me, I ignore you, easy peasy.”

The hairs on Sami’s arms stand abruptly on end with fury. Kevin thinks he can just _ignore_ Sami? “Yeah, not gonna happen.”

In one smooth move, Kevin yanks him onto his knees and gets him in a headlock. Rami holds his breath to sell it.

Kevin slides his hand down Rami’s damp stomach, pulls his towel free, and drops it disdainfully in a heap. He gives Sami’s cock a few angry tugs. “Why? You miss me?” He jerks Sami’s head up with his arm. 

Sami’s back arches, his bare shoulders digging into the soft jersey of Kevin’s T-shirt. He chokes and scrabbles for purchase on Kevin’s powerful forearm.

Sami misses him.

“You can leave now,” Kevin says, an angry lilt in his voice. “Tap out—I’ll let you walk away.”

Sami holds his hands out, away. Reaching for air. Not tapping. Getting harder by the second.

“Otherwise, you won’t miss me anymore when I’m through with you. You will never. Want to think about my hands on you. Again.”

Being over Kevin sounds like a great deal. Too bad Sami doesn’t buy it for a second.

“Just tap out. Don’t make me do this to you.”

Sami shakes his head as best he can.

“Let’s go!” Kevin cheers with withering sarcasm, and lets go. Sami barely has time to gulp down a lungful of air before the pain begins.

Not real pain. Kevin wouldn’t even consider that. He insisted he was going to be careful, and they were going to use lube, and when Rami protested, he said _Look, if we do it and you’re not happy, we’ll kick it up a notch next time. But I’m not going to enjoy myself if I’m worrying about your safety._ And Rami was so excited by the idea of Kevin enjoying himself pretending to rape him that he didn’t argue for once. _I think I can probably manage to sell it without that,_ Kevin said with total confidence, and Rami believed him.

Anyway, he knows what pain feels like. He can fill in the blanks.

It ends with Sami on his stomach on the bathroom floor, bruised, the wind knocked out of him. The only thing in his field of vision is the base of the sink and Kevin’s feet, but he can hear Kevin’s heavy breathing, sense him tossing his head as he works himself up to murder.

“I think you should lick my boot.” His voice is hoarse but even. Sami risks a glance up, but he gets no more than a glimpse of Kevin’s blank, berserker face before taking kick right in the mouth. “ _Lick it._ ”

Rami hopes he cleaned it first—knowing Kevin, he probably did. Sami drags himself painfully forward on his elbows and does it, a wet stripe up the shiny black side of Kevin’s ankle. It tastes like plastic but he’s so turned on he barely has the presence of mind not to hump the tile floor.

Concrete. The concrete floor.

“Good boy,” Kevin says with that miserable glee he’s so good at. “Is this what you wanted?”

“I want _you_ ,” Sami spits out.

Kevin crouches down by his head. “And you got me. Lucky you.” He giggles. “This is what I am,” he says with terrifying sincerity. “Why the fuck do you keep coming back for more?”

“You know why.” He struggles up onto his elbow, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth, suddenly angry. “Anyway, what does that even mean, ‘this is what I am’? What about your family? Karina and Owen and Élodie, you go home and what, you’re a totally different person—”

Kevin howls and smacks the floor. “Don’t talk about them. Don’t talk about my family!”

“I _am_ your family,” Sami shoots back fiercely. Shit, that feels good to say. Way too good. Is this still a thing? Rami thought he was over being jealous. Maybe they should talk later. Definitely later, because Kevin stomps on his head and then holds him down with one boot while he smears lube on his fingers. Sami trembles. A drop of lube falls on his back. _Yes yes yes yes._

Kevin straddles his thighs, trapping him, and his fingers go in as gently as ever. Rami shuts his eyes and imagines rough pressure, imagines Kevin Owens making a point.

“You remember that time you went down on me after we won the tag team title at Ring of Honor?” Kevin asks.

“Of course.” They were so happy, so young and happy and Kevin had been slammed against the stairs and had a little red bruise on his hip that Rami turned into the hickey to end all hickeys.

“The whole time you were doing it, I was thinking about strangling you.”

Rami is suddenly cold and terrified. He tries to breathe through it, tries to see if the panic becomes fun—this is what he wanted, right?—but it’s no good. He wants Kevin’s fingers _out_ of him, he wants—“Red,” he gasps. “Red red red.”

By the second word, Kevin’s already sitting a few feet away with his hands where Rami can see them.

Rami takes a deep breath and sits up, embarrassed and hugging his knees.

Kevin gives him a nice long chance to talk before he asks, “Hey, buddy. You okay?” 

“Sorry. I got freaked out.” His heart is still pounding. “Is that...okay, stupid question, but is that true?”

Kevin blinks. “Yeah. Yeah, it is,” he says. “I’m good, but not good enough to come up with new material when you’re—anyway. Sorry. Should I be sorry? I mean, if it bothers you I’ll be sorry, but I was pretending to strangle you a couple minutes ago and it really didn’t seem to be a problem with you. What’s going on?” 

He doesn’t say it in a judgy way, but Rami suddenly wishes he were dressed. He still feels cold and scared and he doesn’t know what to say, because he has no idea what’s going on. He does like Kevin pretending to strangle him, and if fake death threats are gonna upset anyone, it’s usually Kevin, so what the hell?

“Do you want me to give you a minute?”

Rami shakes his head. “I, um, can I...?” He reaches for Kevin’s shirt, knowing Kevin’s not wearing anything underneath his gear for this. Which is also why his erection is so visibly tenting his shorts, and Rami feels another flash of guilt at derailing things.

Kevin holds up his arms and Rami pulls the KO shirt off, pressing his face into Kevin’s enormous bare shoulder. It smells like Kevin and his face fits perfectly and he wishes he could just stay here forever. Home. He snuggles close, Kevin wraps an arm around him, and Rami feels a little better. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Kevin says. “I thought—I guess I didn’t understand what you wanted. I thought since I didn’t want to hurt you, that I had to be unpleasant in other ways. Come up with stuff Sami wouldn’t want. I mean, it’s a rape fantasy, right?”

“I think...yeah, but I think I wanted to want it.” Rami grimaces, suddenly seeing it. He doesn’t like it. It’s embarrassing and petty and he doesn’t want to tell Kevin. He just wants to have sex! They don’t get a lot of entire free afternoons together. 

“I think I need to process some stuff with you,” he says reluctantly. “Is that okay?”

Kevin pats him on the arm. “Sure.”

Rami squishes as much of the side of his face into Kevin’s shoulder as he can while still talking. He draws strength from Kevin’s skin. “I...um...when I said that, about how I am your family, I kind of...I felt something. I think I actually...I think maybe I wanted the scene to be about how nothing you could do would actually be enough to tear us apart. That I’d enjoy it no matter what. And then instead for a second I felt like...like you didn’t love me. And I panicked.” He hooks his finger in Kevin’s bellybutton. “I think our WWE storyline’s been getting to me more than I realized. And I think I’m jealous of your family.”

Kevin tenses, but he doesn’t let Rami go. “Okay.”

“I didn’t realize it, but I think the scene was supposed to be about how I can take whatever crumbs you give me and it’s enough.” His eyes fill with tears as he says the words. Yep, guess he figured it out. Awesome. “That sounds awful. I know that’s not how it is. I do. You’re a great boyfriend. I just—I worry, I guess. Look at you, Kev. You’ve got a wife and kids and I’m thirty-one years old and I’ve never really wanted to be with anyone else. I don’t even know if I have the time and energy for someone else, let alone kids. I just want to wrestle and be with you, but then am I missing out on having a family? Am I just your secondary for the rest of my life?”

“You’re not my secondary, Rami,” Kevin says. “It’s not like that.”

“Yeah? So if Karina said she wanted to be exclusive, what would you tell her?”

“Karina’s not going to do that.”

“We don’t even live together.”

“Five days a week, we basically do.” Rami can feel Kevin’s sigh. “I thought you liked having your own apartment.”

He does. Mostly. But what about when he’s old? What about...

“You know, Karina feels jealous of you sometimes too.”

Rami blinks. Really? _All the more reason for her to get rid of me,_ he tries not to think.

“Listen, I get it,” Kevin says. “I do. I worry about you meeting someone who isn’t into this arrangement, I worry about you getting fed up that I’m home every weekend. Our relationship, our career together...it could all disappear.”

Panic grips Rami’s heart again. He shakes his head. 

Kevin swallows. “I know...I know it isn’t easy. I know it’s not really fair to you guys that I get to have _two_ amazing people in my life, but it’s not...you don’t each get half. That’s not how it works. You both have all of me.” He presses Rami’s head into his shoulder. “I’m all yours. Lucky you.”

“I know.” Rami means it, but there’s still a cold patch in his chest. “I’m sorry I’m being so...I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the storyline. I’m sure the injury didn’t help either.”

“Don’t apologize,” Kevin says. “Things hit people at weird times. I, uh—I know I had my share of rough moments when you went to NXT, and you were really sweet about it.”

“I’m sorry,” Rami says for the millionth time, even though he knows Kevin is just going to say:

“You don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just...I was afraid that maybe we were over. And I really didn’t want us to be. I didn’t want to be that loser guy you used to know.”

Rami can’t actually get any closer but he tries, slinging his legs over Kevin’s and holding tight.

Kevin hugs his knee. “The thing is, things can always be over, you know? Nothing makes you safe from that. People change. Situations change, feelings change.”

_I don’t, _Rami thinks, and knows it’s ridiculous.__

__“All that said, I’ve loved you for a really long time now,” Kevin says. “I’m 99.9% positive you’re stuck with me. Sorry, is any of this helping? I can shut up.”_ _

__Rami isn’t sure. “I think it’s just the storyline getting to me.”_ _

__“We can talk about wrapping it up,” Kevin offers._ _

__Rami shakes his head. “No. We’re doing amazing stuff. I just need to...I don’t know. Get my head together, I guess. Tell me you love me again.”_ _

__Kevin rubs his thumb back and forth across Rami’s cheek. “I love you. And Kevin Owens loves Sami Zayn. He’s just a disrespectful suckbag.”_ _

__Rami laughs._ _

__“I’ll be sure to play up the romance angle in my next promos.”_ _

__“Thanks.” He traces a pattern on Kevin’s stomach. “What do you want to do when you retire?”_ _

__“I want us to take over commentary,” Kevin says promptly. “They don’t sell the stories enough or do enough to pump up the crowd. You and me could clean house. Turn the whole thing around.”_ _

__It should make him feel warm that Kevin answered with a _we_ , but instead he feels even more left out. This isn’t really a plan for them. It comes to him that Kevin’s actually mentioned it before, and he always thought it was a joke because of one obvious fact. “Kev, you know I can’t do commentary.”_ _

__“You could if you wanted to. You’re perfectly capable of calling a match. So you’re not great at snappy comebacks. Just make that part of the character.” Kevin shrugs. “Look, this is what I was saying. I get nervous thinking about the future too, that somehow, it’s not going to work out for us, or for me and Karina, or my career will tank or I’ll hit my head next year and never get back in a ring. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But you asked what I hoped would happen, and I told you the truth. That’s what I want to do when I retire. What about you?”_ _

__Rami doesn’t know. He tried to think about it when he was out with his shoulder, what he would do if he couldn’t wrestle, and it upset him so much he just stopped, and acted on the assumption he was going to heal completely and come back. Luckily it worked out that way._ _

__He tries to think about it again. Training? Would he be a good coach? He’d like it but maybe he’d be too technical and picky and annoy everyone. “Maybe they’d hire me to write storylines,” he says._ _

__“You’d be good at that,” Kevin says, obviously making an effort not to sound annoyed that Rami didn’t go for his joint commentary idea, and Kevin’s pettiness actually makes Rami feel better. Kevin does love him, and Rami’s own pettiness is probably forgivable._ _

__“Maybe I could do commentary part-time,” he offers. “I’ve been getting better at promo. I could do a shtick where I’m just very excited about wrestling and talk enthusiastically about everyone’s technique, and you could do the character stuff.”_ _

__Kevin kisses the top of his head. “We’ll be beloved.”_ _

__Kevin’s nipple is directly in his line of sight. Rami bites it._ _

__“Oh, are we back to this again?” Kevin lifts Rami to straddle him._ _

__“Not exactly,” Rami says, pressing his forehead into Kevin’s shoulder again. “Let’s try the other thing another time and just have snuggle sex today.”_ _

__“I’m a big fan of snuggle sex,” Kevin says agreeably, clasping his hands in the small of Rami’s back. “Anything in particular?”_ _

__“I want you to jerk us off while I tell you how beautiful you are.”_ _

__Kevin laughs at him. “Your desires are always so specific.”_ _

__Rami makes a face into Kevin’s shoulder._ _

__“I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you,” Kevin says, which is blatantly untrue. He stands up, slinging Rami over his shoulder because the bathroom is too small for any good lifts. Rami doesn’t mind. He dangles happily, and soon enough he’s tossed on his bed. Kevin goes back to wash his hands, then sheds his gear and climbs on top of him. Rami smiles up at him, not sure why he feels so much better. Maybe he was just cold and uncomfortable. Or maybe he just loves bossing Kevin around. He decides to feel guilty about that later._ _

__“I love your hands,” he starts as Kevin squirts lube into his hand and lines up their cocks. Rami likes seeing them together: his red-haired and circumcised, Kevin’s dirty-blond and foreskinned. They make a nice contrast, just like him and Kevin._ _

__Kevin closes his hand and Rami falls back on the bed, thrusting into Kevin’s fist. Oh, oh. “I can always tell which hands are yours when I jump into a group,” he gasps. “It makes me feel so safe.”_ _

__“You’re ridiculous,” Kevin says breathlessly, holding himself up on one impressive arm. The best arm in professional wrestling today, hands down. His cock slides along Rami’s. “Keep complimenting me.”_ _

__Rami does._ _

__“...I love when your shirt rides up and shows your singlet underneath,” he says after a while, delirious with pleasure and affection. “It’s like everyone can see your lingerie, it’s so dirty, I go crazy every time.”_ _

__“Yeah, you want to see me in lingerie?” Kevin says. “A little black lace, maybe?” He’s joking, but—_ _

“ _Yes,_ holy shit. Motherfucker.” 

__Kevin laughs at him again. “I mean, I’m not saying no, I just don’t know where you’d find lingerie in my size that isn’t like a quadruple D-cup.”_ _

__“So we’ll stick to panties,” Rami says. “Holy fuck, Kev, I...” He trails off, stuck on Kevin’s erection straining beneath black satin, black lace topping Kevin’s thighs, Kevin’s ass... “I haven’t even mentioned your ass yet.”_ _

__Kevin kisses him. He’s close now, Rami can feel it. “Yeah, it’s pretty rude, my ass talks about _you_ all the time.”_ _

__Rami snickers. How does he do it? How does he actually come up with a joke when he’s five seconds from orgasm? “You’re amazing,” he says with conviction. “Oh—unh—” He holds on to Kevin’s shoulders and shuts his eyes and pushes up hard in Kevin’s slick hot palm. Kevin’s cock twitches against his and that is the absolute final straw. He strains up and opens his mouth against Kevin’s shoulder when he comes._ _

__That .1% of a doubt can go fuck itself. They’re going to be doing this forever._ _


End file.
